The first thing I realised when writing this article is that I actually typed in ‘the most depressing celeb sex tapes of all time’ into Google, and I wasn’t browsing incognito. The second thing is that a lot of celebrities have created some pretty awful sex tapes. I don’t mean awful in terms of quality. I mean awful in terms of: oh god, whyyyyyy? The world wasn’t ready for some of these tapes. Actually, I don’t even think the world will ever be ready to watch former wrestlers X-Pac and Chyna wrestle each other to orgasm. Puke.
Even after all those years of watching him shirtless, in tight lycra, grappling with other heavily baby-oiled men, this was really difficult to accept. It might be to do with the fact that this was watching a 58-year-old man having really depressing sex. And struggling with a condom wrapper. Should’ve said his prayers and taken his vitamins, brother.
Screech AKA Dustin Diamond
If you call a child Dustin Diamond, he’s bound to end up making really depressing porn. The weedy dweeb, much beloved for playing Screech on Saved By The Bell, starred in his own depressing celeb sex tape, whereby he was accompanied with two girls in a hot tub. Best known for popularising the term dirty sanchez. Grim.
An original get-famous-by-doing-nothing sex tape. Kim K’s sex tape was a masterful stroke of, ahem, marketing and PR. But it was depressing.
It’s a f*cked up world, a f*cked up place, everybody’s judged by their f*cked up face. F*cked up dreams, f*cked up life…You get it. This was the only thing in the world more depressing than Fred Durst trying to play guitar.
Also known as the worst BJ of all time. Just, such bad technique. Come on Tulisa. Wait, no. Come on, Tulisa. Jeez, commas are so important.
See more articles by RiseFeed including How Different Would These Films Would Be With Their Original Cast? and 5 Male Celebrities In Their 50s Who’ve Still Got It