Hipsters Rejoice! There’s Now a Kale-Flavoured Lube…

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So you’ve spent the last two years eating, and mostly pretending to like, kale. You’re well versed in its nutritional benefits. It’s low in calories, high in fibre and filled to the rim with vitamins and minerals. You’re ready to take your relationship further. It’s basically third-date territory. And then…you stumble upon the answer. You can’t believe your luck! All of your Christmases are happening all at once. You can finally ace #CleanLiving while having a little fun.

What’s Lube Got to Do With It?

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As the bottle attests, Bondara.co.uk are making eating out ‘healthy’. Yep. They went there. Not sure why you’d want your bits to taste of kale, other than to trick your body into thinking it’s claiming a lot of vitamins. The good news is that kale isn’t the only flavour, they’re also releasing other fascinating-sounding lubricants such as Keen Quinoa, Frisky Flax, Amorous Almond Milk and Arousing Avocado.

To be fair, I don’t need them to make avocados arousing for me. I can manage all on my own, grasshopper. The only one of the line of products that actually makes some semblance of sense is the raw virgin coconut oil flavoured lube. And it smells bloody good. Really good. Like a Bounty bar wearing Tom Ford’s Tobacco Vanille.You can view the entire range here. And while it’s a lube, it’s tempting to put it on a bit of toast or add it to your bulletproof coffee. But don’t, because, yeah, it’s not meant for that.

The guys and girls at Bondara.co.uk are very aware that some communities are so desperate for the next healthy eating fad that these products may be confused with actual dieting aids. To prevent this mistake they have created a video and social campaign to provide guidance.

Chris Simms, MD of Bondara.co.uk commented: “What better way to #GetTheGlow than the one that comes after a bedroom workout aided by raw Coconut Oil lubricant!”

Simms continued, “At Bondara we pride ourselves at being able to understand what our customers want, we created an Iron Throne of dildos for our box set fans, a David Cameron doll for the politicos, and now a lube range for our health and fitness nuts – we are open for suggestions for our next range.”

So, umm there you have it. Clean-living lube. Does it tickle your fancy?